untitled

You have one baby, I have two.

I should sit on a rock off Cornwall and comb my hair.

I should wear tiger pants, I should have an affair.

We should meet in another life, we should meet in air,

Me and you.

—Sylvia Plath - Lesbos

you talk
but do not mean
this is all we are
thoughts and not words
silence and not noise
distance and not contact
etcetera

I came from the forest
and it would be expected
that I learned
how to read minds
but I did not learn
from the forest
and its dark mysteries

when I was in the hospital
I learned about depth
and I thought sadness
was depth

just my luck
I am always sad
I am a sad
pathetic
color
sad sad sad

and then I left
and I was not
expected to leave

you left me
but somehow
did not mean it
and I was expected
to know how
to read minds
as I was expected
to learn
from the mysteries
of the forest

I was expected
to know
how to unfold
to develop
to fold
and break
and bend
but I did not
the forest kept silent
and I thought
silence was the lesson
but I was wrong

"mass is only useful
because of the silence"
so I kept silent
I am silent
and I will keep
silence to myself
because
really
it does not matter

I found an abandoned dock
and it was mine
it is not useful
so we have that in common

you wrote me a long poem
and said how deep
and powerful
are my emotions
and how lucky you felt
because I showed them to you

my birthday was last week
yesterday was yours
and you wrote me a poem
and I flinched

you wore yellow
the color of sulphur
demonic yellow
and wrote me a poem

I was expected
to keep silent
and you wrote a long poem
and expected me
to keep silent

you do not care
who you hurt
honey
sweetheart
apple of my eye
kitten
vixen
you do not care

you invoke sulphur
honey
sad girl
golden lotus
pink chain
yellow wall

you expected me
to keep silent
I know your name
and I invoked you

you expected me
honey
sweetheart
kitten
vixen
sad girl
I will not forgive you